Sometimes, the world is going too fast and I want to get off.
A lot has happened since becoming a mother. Most of it within my Self. Bits sloughed off, bits coming back up for healing work, re-membering, re-structuring...things lying dormant that motherhood seems to have brought into my consciousness awareness.
I know I'm not the only one. But noone really talks about it.
To be honest, the call to slow down came before having children. Imagine planting a seed and expecting it to grow whilst constantly messing about with the earth it sits in.
My life wasn't sustainable as it was, and new life wasn't sustainable either.
Then came The Vacuum. Everything was removed. On the next inhale, things...people...children...came rushing in.
I didn't know then that I'd already started burning. It wasn't the first time, but it's been much more of a slow burn this time.
And you can't go fast when you're burning. Any attempts to just fan the flames.
Mama, Slowing down
Motherhood itself on a physical level forces us to slow down. The Third Trimester of pregnancy. Birth. Lack of sleep, breastfeeding, soothing, the repetitive, the everyday humdrum.
But it takes an almost managed and conscious effort by us to make sure that the world around us isn't trying to speed us up again. It's almost impossible to avoid.
We need you to work up until just before your baby is born. And when are you coming back?
Birthing...the medical system likes us to hurry up and get on with it.
Better get your body back into shape, before your husband starts messaging half-naked women whose bodies haven't been ravaged by childbirth. Yet.
Are you contributing financially to the household?
How many groups/classes are you getting baby to this week? Have you scheduled in an activity for each day over the holidays? There's nothing planned for Monday afternoon, you better pull something out the bag.
I have and do also get sucked into all of this. But my sensitivity has increased. I manage my mental health in the main, but fucking hell it takes much more effort now.
If I go too fast, my body makes me slow down and I end up spending naptimes recovering on the bed. Also, my daughters are extremely sensitive to it and mirror the emotional and mental churn of too fast a pace.
The world around me wants me to go fast, be productive...but everything that I associate as mySelf is telling me to slow down.
A couple of weeks ago, I finally really listened. And I invite you to do the same.
How do I slow down?
Slowing down in itself is hard because of the productivity-orientated mindset we tend to approach everything with.
I've done my meditation practise every day this week!
I feel like it's a process, and some of that process is just simply getting out of our own way.
Different things can help us to slow down. For me yoga, meditation, mindfulness, unstructured writing, now crochet, and having a nurturing morning and evening routine.
Looking deeply at my priorities, expectations. Wiping away the shit (sometimes literally, that really slowed my day and my clean laundry pile down yesterday).
But really, ask yourself what you need. And then look at how you feel when you do those things that you need.
As I'm reading Do Less by Kate Northrup, she introduces the idea of time being cyclical. Now just the seasons, but even looking at a 24 hour period. There's always stuff to do...but there's always time.
You don't have to go to every baby class. With time you can bring your physical body to a place and a strength it never had before. Acknowledge the value of the work you are doing right now by raising children before you worry about the monetary value you feel you need to bring to the table.
Where are you going? Do you wanna stop for a while and get a coffee?
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